It will get better

I have spent my entire adult life overweight. My weight was about 220 pounds at my largest.
I know a lot of the reasons for my weight issues and overeating stem from really traumatic childhood events. I would have to eat food quickly before it got dirty. I spent about a year in a truly infested home.
I think another reason for my sudden blow up was I remember the guy who was sexually abusing me from the time I was age 12 to about 14 told me I was fat and disgusting one day. I was 120 lbs and 5’2. and developing into an adult body I remember thinking maybe he will leave me alone now.so I didn’t pay too much attention to the scales going up.
Well, I am a grown up now and he is thousands of miles away. I live an easy life thanks to my husband. I don’t have to worry about food becoming tainted or someone hurting me anymore. So why is it this is still an issue? Why is it mentally I cant just have a cheat day like other people? Why do i keep messing up. I know its a process and I am about 90 percent paleo as we speak and thus far down 40 pounds this year alone. I hope I do not fail. I want this. I want to live a long happy healthy life. I want to relive the childhood I never had with my own kids.

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